Sad Ungrateful Taking

A lot of people do it and I should probably be thankful in light of our recent holiday so here's a list of things I am thankful for (done in opposites for more controversy):

1. You aren't "rub-empty" for your friends.
2. You hate your family.
3. My scarcity of vomit.
4. A floor under your feet.
5. The denial to "inherently be" disillusioned.
6. Your disbelief.
7. Your poor "bodily decay."
8. Lacking the foggy foot.
9. Awake.
10. A sight of sour, harmonic reading.

Basically, this must be considered word-for-word. Words in quotations are describing a single word - sometimes oppositely describing each part of a word. If you think you've got one deciphered, feel free to guess with a comment. I mean that oppositely. If you know you've got no clue, obligate yourself to state a question.

My Subconscious Destiny

We were talking about dreams the other day. I'm still convinced you can plan to meet with someone at a decided location, exchange secret passwords, then share that password with the person once you're awake... AND get it right! I'm so excited for this to work one day. If I ever get it to work with a girl I'll marry her no questions asked. If it's a dude, I'll give a girl $5 for taking him to lunch. (Disclaimer: No I will not) Here are some facts about my dreaming history:

• I frequently have Jurassic Park dreams where I'm outdoors running from a T-Rex or indoors hiding from raptors.
• Whenever I die the dream often plays on - only then I watch it in third person.
• I've never done anything embarrassing (that I remember) like forgetting my pants, forgetting to prepare for a talk, etc.
• If ever I fly, I'll remember that later in my dream but will only be able get high enough to skim the ground the second go-around.
• My most realistic dream was as a child when I lived in downtown St. George. Deciding to conquer my fear of the monster under my bed, I once jumped onto the floor (having woke up at night), stuck my head under my bed, then looked up with eyes wide open. I couldn't see him, but I physically felt him cuff my ears and pull me under with him. I woke up the next morning lying on the floor with my head still under the bed.

Retro Activity

Disney has horrible number crunchers working for them. Budgeting must be atrocious. Disney has retro-anniversaries every year. I'm pretty sure they just had their 50th anniversary five years ago. Yesterday I bought the 45th anniversary edition of Sword and the Stone in Walmart. In celebration of retro activity here's some things I've accomplished in life as of five days from tomorrow:

Engineered a bridge out of cereal (2007)

I took an awkward picture... Just to see what it feels like (2007)I carved the Capt'n (2009)I ate out diguised as the Kernel... Just to see what it feels like (2009)I had a B-day party

(Didn't take pictures. This is the best Google had to offer)

Ground!

So many things can be thrown on the ground (cause they ain't part of the system):

• Mega Shark versus Giant Octopus (it's a real movie)
• Cell phones (my friend is not a phone!)
• Pumpkins
• Tow Trucks
• Corn
• Dirt (it's where it belongs)

K, so there's this SNL video short called "On the Ground" that's pretty funny. The guy who sings "Chronicles of Narnia" does this spoof based on another song that must've been pretty terrible. The music is horrendous. The lyrics, however, are most delightful. While I can't actually endorse tossing things on the ground to fight against "the system"... in fact... what on earth makes up the system? Anywho, that's not what's important. SNL teaches us that whenever you find yourself holding onto something not part of the system... GROUND!

Obviously

Lets get some things straight:

• If you could choose between death by bear or by shark - Obviously bear. Come on. It's a bear.
• If you could choose between supernatural powers, flying or instant healing - Obviously healing 'cause then you'd grow claws... I guess.
• If you could survive a beating by the hands of Chuck Norris or Jack Bauer... What a ridiculous supposition! - Obviously you'd die.
• If you had to take every Facebook quiz ever made or join some kind of medieval club - Obviously not.
• If you had to walk 1000 miles or 500 miles - Obviously 500. It's shorter.
• If you had to survive on a desert island with Oreos or Chips Ahoy - Obviously Oreos. Mmm. Oreos...
• If a dam broke, is it better to be scuba diving on the lake side or rafting downstream on the other side of the wall? - Obviously rafting. For reasons not so obvious.

1000 Words

Alright! School's back in session and there's no time to write about the summer so I'll just blog (although technically blogging is still writing). I'll make this even easier because pictures are worth 1000 words. I'll try using some of those to capture the fun instead:

K... I can only think of one word for this one: Seriously?

I don't even know what to say.

Starburst caramel apple?

Neat!

My truck! Sort of...

Fish Lake with friends. Umm... but this wasn't it.

Bunker Creek with the family.

Mount Whitney: Success

Balloons!

Hmm... well all those pictures combined and I totalled something around 6 words. Whoever made that picture metaphor was full of it. Guess I'll end here. Don't wanna make things too convoluted. Twas a good summer indeed. Wouldn't mind 1000 more.

Even Racoons Sometimes Need Hugs

Dang Gina. That was nuts. I had plans to blog tonight about my recent trip to Mount Whitney. Fate took a cruel twist though as I am just getting back from taking out the trash.

So this is the way it really happened... I was walking back to the apartment after taking out the trash and WAS IN THE ACT of thinking: "I need to be more outgoing and useful. There's some girls moving into our ward up ahead. I'll just offer to help with those boxes as I pass by." (I fully anticipated them to politely decline and I would win! Nice would be offered, and I still wouldn't have to lift any heavy stuff). But this was not to be.

First the pregnant lady mom/sister/whoever got crazy saying: "What?! Pregnant women aren't capable of lifting boxes?"

"I uh, uh, uh..."

New Girl: "We don't need your help. Let Mr. BYU Gentleman go try hitting on the other girls that probably want him to flirt with them."

"Oh that's... in...appropriate..."

New Girl: "I've heard about you. Are you the guy that's been going around all day volunteering to help all the other girls into their apartments?"

"I got home 15 minutes ago, but that's not what I..."

Pregnant Lady: "Ugh! This place is terrible."

If I was witty like George Costanza, I probably would've said something like "Hey, the moron store just called because they're running out of you." If I was charismatic like Gilderoy Lockhart I could've said "Hmm. *chuckling* Alluring..." If I was French like Napoleon Bonaparte I'd likely exclaim "Ho ho ho! Baguette!" And if I was deaf like Helen Keller chances are high I'd be screaming "What did you say?!!" Tonight I chose to stare speechlessly. So uh, that was awkward. Anywho, this Kellogg stuff I'm eating isn't half bad. Think I'll go find more where that came from.